An American Adventure
or ‘Bear and Back Again’

Day 0

Oakham to Clapham

Just started my journey, trust the train to be late. The fact I'm travelling Virgin Atlantic is hardly comforting, my experiences with their train services have hardly been positive, in fact I can’t actually remember a time when there WASN’T a problem. Plane will probably be delayed somehow, or fall out of the sky. Always good to start a holiday upbeat!

I always find the greatest diversity of people use the train services, the views of the country one can get (from the window, I stay away from the people with good reason) and the overall ease of travelling make trains one of the best ways to travel across the UK. Anyway, hopefully the person next to me isn’t reading this. Onward to Clapham Junction and the madding crowd of London.

Clapham Junction

Confusingly not actually in Clapham. What a shithole in comparison.

Clapham Junction: pretty

Olivers Flat, kettle goodness

The Flat

Finally I've arrived in my brothers humble abode, typical London flat and similar to the last one he was in. Certainly a mixed community but there’s a black meter nearby, though that may have something to do with parking. Brother made me do some of his ironing followed by a trip back to Clapham junction just to get milk (Threshers sucks), at least the area around the station upto the flat is actually quite quaint.

Day 1

Rather fucking tired and hung-over (the first of many to come I'm sure), last night was a pretty hectic drinking experience before we head off for the land of many crap beers. Only have time for a quick cuppa before heading off for the train, Olly managed to cram a tent and his boots into my already overflowing carry-all.

Queues..

Airport

Rushed through after a bumpy bus ride, we were easily on time but I'd stupidly left a tiny penknife in my backpack so had to have the entire bag pulled apart and gone over with some kind of detection paper (like some freakish litmus test). No frisking though, have to wait till I can raise the roof in San Fran! I wonder if continuously saying the phrase ‘raise the roof’ over and over will ever get tired on this holiday.

Plane

Cattle class, not that I would consider paying the extra for a bit of leg room. Just filled in my visa waiver, always get stumped on the Nazi/spy question, I said yes anyway. Certainly more than I expected, you get recent films and a SNES in every seat, almost as good as Ryan Air. 10 hours to go, roll on DVT, or however it gets into your legs.

Aargieugh!

More Plane

This flight is infuriatingly long and to make matters worse, I’m terrible at street fighter 2. At least I’m not acting as the punchbag for the kid next to Olly, hahaha.

More queues...

and no special services left

Airport

Too tired to write/type, its 11pm back home now and we were up quite early. We’ve hired a sports car without meaning to, yeehaw. James is driving, helpful given Olly and I are barely awake TIREDNESS KILLS!!

I thought we were getting a Fiat

San Francisco, well it's off in the distance anyway

Motel

Didn't really sleep much on the way, only event of interest was going in a 'small' roadside store that stocked both moon pie (Simpson’s reference) and an interesting trail mix that had m&m's in it. Not a ‘trail’ I’m familiar with, other than the Disney trail. Its about 3:30am back home now so I think I'll just collapse on the bed now.

Day 2

Yosemite roadage

After a hearty breakfast of sugared fruit and pancakes covered in maple syrup, we set off towards the famous national park singing many a song of raising the roof, despite leaving San Fran yesterday (James already having raised its roof enough). We started with a visit to one of the main attractions and climbing peaks, El Capitan, a startling shear rock face that juts a vertical mile into the air. Slightly out of our climbing league but the waterfall nearby was a popular scramble up for an hour or so. At the top before the serious climbing started was a rock pool, which James and Ol (with lesser success) attempted to swim in. Think plunge pool only much colder. I abstained given the fact we still had to climb back (flat rock + wet feet = bad), plus Olly then managed to drop his digital camera in water on the way down, ruining it on the second day.

Good roadage	The Captain himself	Oh dear	James proving he is truly insane
What would tintin do?	Water, falls	The 'too fat to walk bus'	The side of the captain

Next up we still had time after some sight seeing in the car to walk round the giant sequoias. They certainly were big, and red, therefore very impressive. After seeing a couple of them the thrill faded, constant reference to homo-erotic lord of the rings relationships kept us going. “Oh Samwise, why do I speak in such a british accent”

Arnold?	'The general', older than Jesus	The trees burn themselves naturally	You can drive a cart through this
	Go fat bus	Go!

Campsite

Constant fear of bear attack keeps us vigilant and our bowels moving, if only the mozzies wouldn’t just piss off and let me type this FFS. Its a bit too dark to type now and our dinner of refried beans, rice & reformed chicken wiener things is ready. I pray for my digestive system, especially after this mornings breakfast.

Day 3

Campsite

Well I don’t think any of us slept that well last night. Though a three man tent, things were rather cramped and I drew the short straw - ending up in the middle. To make things worse while we were getting ready to go to sleep, a neighbour (who had told us a bear came to their table the previous night, bastards probably fed it) told us to "stay there" while he and family banged pots - used to drive bears away. The bloody thing strolled silhouetted 2ft from the left hand side of our tent, not a pleasant experience after spending most of the day making bear jokes as if seeing a bear anywhere was a rare occurrence.

We're staying in a motel tonight, its really bloody cold and hard to type this morning too. Its all the bears’ fault.

The Open Road

Spent most of the morning climbing just down the road from the campsite. The area is famed for its sport climbs but not for the more beginner routes we were looking for, I think the eventual one we settled on for the entire day was the only one to attempt that could be top-roped (rope has single attachment to the top, one person stands at the bottom and holds the rope attached to the climber). For once I managed to get quite a way up, although I did get quite skin burnt while watching the food in case of bears (something we took seriously after last night).

At the moment were travelling out of Yosemite and on towards Nevada, some of the scenery is truly unreal, akin to some impossible vista in a LOTR-esque movie. There’s just so much flat open land! Too bad my camera (now the only one) ran out of charge, have to stay in a motel tonight if we want further pictures (and less bears).

Benton Hot Springs

After a 100 mile drive or so, we arrived in a tiny town called Benton, just a few miles from Nevada. We expected hicksville yet the proprietor of the only b&b here is a well travelled lady (though she did think we use the Euro), the place itself is exquisite with natural hot springs 'hot tubs' round the back for tonight when it cools down outside. Plus it was only $90 for all 3 of us in a 2 double bed plus single bed room!

Benton Hot Springs, strangley lush

Benton, desolate

Day 4

The Open Road, Nevada

Difficult to type again given my being in the back of a car going at 80 with the windows open, my hat keeps slapping me in the face, but I digress. Last night involved said dip in the hot tub, which was very not gay, and a trip to the local cafe in the 'main' town of Benton - population 50 cowboy hats. I'm almost certain the place was used for one of the desolate outposts in terminator 2. It was a meal I wont forget, same goes for next mornings breakfast and the travesty that is ‘French Toast’, if there was any toast in there I needed directions to it past the rich creamy goodness. While an interesting change of pace, I'll end this holiday about 300lbs or ‘SUPER SIZED’ if you want to use the American terminology

The infinite highway

Driving across Nevada (state TWO dude) certainly takes a while, although the desolation and dilapidation of the towns is rather depressing. Futher hicksville’s indeedy, although the scenery is still rather impressive. Currently we're travelling on the longest most life sapping road in America, its perfectly straight for 50 or so miles on flat land, so the heat haze on the road seems to give it a clipping distance as cars appear from nowhere.

"Clipping distance"	Then from this..	.. to this, in 50 miles
Salt lake city, here we come	The true symbol of freedom

Travelodge, Salt Lake City

Salt Lake City lies on the great salt desert, a massive flat expanse that looks like it could be used for world land speed tests. Its the Mormon capital of the states, with a giant church square in the centre full of people with name badges that act disturbingly cheerful. I’m typing this in yet another bog-standard yet still really nice motel with happy Mormon adverts on the TV showing how family means more than life itself, which I suppose isn’t a bad way to live, but native Americans were probably not white and the second coming of Jesus was probably not in the states.

Day 5

The Open Road (towards Yellowstone)

Another long drive up towards our next national park, constant suburbia all the way and a lot greener than the drive across Nevada yesterday. Last night we didn’t quite paint the town red, but thankfully got a few beers in as a first for the holiday. The restaurant situation in Salt Lake is pretty grim, after a hike round town we found only member-only bars, a posh restaurant and something offering a coronary for only $1. The rest were either closing at 9, a popular way to commit business suicide in the UK, or fully booked, thankfully we happened upon a popular Italian at the last minute. We were told to wait 30 mins upon arrival, not great when you're starving, but we got the said couple of beers, all 3.2% due to Mormons pretty much running the entire state. The actual meal was certainly American-sized (after seeing most of the patrons it wasn’t a surprise*), taking bruschetta to an all new level, but we did get our 5-a-day of parmesan, cheddar, gouda, etc. Possibly the most far-gone salad I’ve ever seen was presented first, the addition of grated cheese unfortunately pushing it just over the edge even beyond maccy d salad standards. Needless to say, even the monster that is ‘Lance’ James was vanquished by the meal. Its brilliant to see all that waste food for such a low priced meal, I was even offered a doggy bag at the end because its oh-so-important to finish off the last few bites. Maybe I should've asked to have it shipped to Sudan.

* the chairs actually had wheels so you could grow away from the table and still be able to get out at the end, what convenience!

The place we’re heading for has a load of outdoor activities so we'll probably spend a couple of days there, I'm definitely up for white water rafting.

mmmmmmmormons

James rappelling the 160ft climb

...

The red is not part of the design, perhaps I should grayscale this image and call it art

Hospital

Hmm, where to start. Well we went for the longest climb I've done so far (ever), using up all of the 160ft rope (thus an 80ft climb). A little daunting at first as I'm not the best at coping with heights, especially when clinging to a cliff, but the climb wasn't difficult and thoroughly satisfying, especially as it was my first seconding of a climb (where you remove all the karabiners used to hold the rope to each bolt, James held the rope I was on moored at the top). If you are wondering as to the said location stated above, the second climb attempted didn’t quite go to plan. Being much more difficult than the first James had trouble leading and fell back a few times (you fall to the previous bolt when leading). On his last attempt before we were going to leave James fell further than normal, about 12ft, into an overhang where the rock cut into his shins down to the bone. At the moment we're waiting in Logan local hospital until he's stitched and cleaned up. I must say its one of the cleanest hospitals I've ever seen, plus I just had a crazy inmate walk by me in shackles, fun. She was accompanied by a police officer unfortunately.

Of further interest is my purchase of another set of sandals due to my previous ones dying the first night we camped in Yosemite, the stupid plastic clips not opening and forcing James to cut through them with his knife. With American prices they were only 28 quid though and good at that.

(bates) Motel

Took a bit longer than expected as the cut was quite bad and required special treatment. The loss of 2 hours meant our next location was out of the question, so we got 100 miles under our belt and arrived in scaryville just on from bear lake (rather large 8m x 20m ‘lake’). I'd still say it's better than camping anyway, although the whole town is obsessed with bears, with statues of the things EVERYWHERE.

Bear Lake

Dinner tonight involved a local saloon/restaurant, quite nice yet I’m still wishing the portions were smaller. Quantity over quality seems to be a defining factor in stateside cuisine.

In other news today was my first visit to a Wal-Mart, kind of like a super Adsa (given they own them anyway) that’s collided with a B&Q, a hunting store and a Virgin Megastore. I think I see where most Americans get there weekly exercise now, the place is just ridiculously big. However after seeing my first 'subway sandwich,' so called because it could probably invade the UK, I doubt walking around the store would make a difference. America doesn’t really ‘do’ sandwiches in the sense we would create them, which is odd, the only available in sliced bread have a hideous markup on them and only come on white.

Day 6

Highway 89

We're back on the road to Jackson, about another 3 hours away, in the space of 15 minutes we appear to have travelled from middle America to Switzerland, given the scenery. Oh and our 4th state, Idaho, is up after our quick drive through the corner of Utah. We should also pass through Wyoming soon, the least populated state. Sounds exciting.

Motel (One day I'll remember the name of these things)

We've decided to book up for 2 nights here in Jackson, though it’s a bit of a tourist trap rather than an old west town there's still a lot to do. James and I have booked up white water rafting for a few hours tomorrow at 10:30, should be interesting as the river was visible on the road up here and looked rather intense. Olly has opted on mountain biking instead, not exactly my cup of tea, I'd prefer to fall in rapids rather than head over heels.

Before actually booking we went for a quick stroll alongside the nearby 'Bear Lake' (not the same one, everyone’s still obsessed with bears though) where we actually had RAIN, somewhat shocking given the clear skies of our previous states, but it explains how everything is so lush. If one thing was learnt from the walk, it’s that ‘inspiration point’s are not worth hiking 2 miles up to get to. While impressive, I lacked both camera and the ability to see through dense cloud, people seemed more interested in the rodent-like ground squirrels running around our feet. In the end we took the boat back, Oliver casually strolling past the pay booth and getting away with it, me deciding to actually own up and pay the $10 fee.

Jackson caters to the faux cowboy

Day 7

Motel

Well that was an eventful night, we had dinner in the local pizzeria (would you like extra cheese with your extra cheese sir?) followed by a trip round a couple of bars in town. They certainly are strict about the age enforcement, both JB and Ol are IDed even after me, despite being a clear 5 years older. Everything is royally fake-cowboy, with riding seats to sit on and various horse related crap over the walls. We didn’t exactly get drunk given the fact the second bar was shite (and didn’t accept James' ID) and the first only served Bud (not Budvar unsurprisingly). Still I learnt a valuable lesson that for some reason you're supposed to tip for every bloody drink you order. It's still cheaper to order a pint here than most places at home though.

I'm off to rafting with JB now, he was a little anxious given he didn't want to get his dressings wet, but a quick brain flash sorted that with the use of waterproof trousers. Olly's probably falling down a mountain about now, with a bike following close behind.

Of interest next door is a woman dressed in a massive blue pinafore straight out of colonial times, despite how bloody hot it is. Methinks her husband JimBob and her fellow wives Bobbette, Jimette and BobBobette must be inside. Hooray for Polygamist Mormons!

Of interest after watching/attempting to watch American TV is the seeming lack of any standards authority for advertising and the absolute obsession with 'low carbs'. The former shown in commercials that seem to state "This isn’t another one of those get-rich-quick schemes, but I certainly got rich, and quick!", the latter interesting because I wonder how many people know that the whole Atkins diet works by you eating less, thus losing weight. Its still difficult to convince people of this fact.

Day 8

Highway 89 to Yellowstone

Back on the road again with another hearty (upto 170 bpm average) breakfast taken in. Thankfully provided on both mornings by the kitchen we had in our little hut, we live another day. Yesterdays rafting was brilliant, although I was a bit 'fluey' throughout the day, not recovering until later in the afternoon. The rafting was typical for this sort of public affair, beginning with a few 2s and following on with 3s until the end. James and I volunteered to go at the front, thus becoming thoroughly soaked throughout the trip, though that was the plan. James' waterproofs held up thankfully so he wasn't in any discomfort for the rest of the day and Olly managed to flip his bike twice, though only in the latter part of his excursion. Otherwise he was somewhat unharmed, not that I minded.

The evening was provided by a more out-of-town sports bar/restaurant where I was able to actually order a pint of Bass, with a free flat cap and whippet to go, plus 'live' soccer, whatever that is.

Yellowstone should be up in another 80 miles or so, with all its grizzly bear goodness I cant wait to camp for two days there!

Day 9

Campsite

Another chilly morning upon which to write up my journal, a week down and I'm knackered as I just didn't sleep again (though not because of bears this time). Yesterday encompassed most of Yellowstone, so much that we decided against staying another night here (I long for a nice bed when I'm camping). The main attraction was the oh-so-famous old faithful geyser and those surrounding it. I must say I've never seen so much excitement about waiting for a geyser to erupt, it takes between 45 and 120 mins between each eruption, the end result only lasting a couple of minutes. Despite this, using the power of sods law, James went to the loo and old faithful went, quite impressive although once is enough. The rest of the geysers tended to take longer, between 12 and 15 hours, but the beautiful crystalline hot springs and smoking craters (and constant smell of sulphur) were a nice attraction on a walkway that led us around all of them.

They call this a 'recreational vehicle' and not a BUS	James sporting his new shins, which people asked about at least twice a day	Old Faithful, not doing very much	Rediculous numbers of people watching whats shown to the left
Boooooooooooooooooooooo	oooooooooooooooooooooo	ooooooooooooooooooooom	VIDEO: I waited 1/2 an hour for this
	Sulphur springs erupting..	Stank to fook

Dinner last night was better than when we last camped, governed by the fact one company has the rights to all shops in the entire of Yellowstone. Thus the only fuel available was petroleum based and for their specific cookers. I don't think most Americans actually know what meths is. Thankfully we found a lodge that served an inexpensive buffet for all customers, as well as some impressive local ales. God bless 1.87 exchange rate!

Parking on the grass, rangers came by quickly to bollock us

Olly had a much more comfy air-rollmat than our crappy cheap ones

The next morning, after a night of howling heard in the distance

Best Value Inn (I think the words Inn and motel mean the same thing in America)

After finding some really shoddy deals here in Cody (as it’s the main stop off before Yellowstone its popular, Jackson was so much better though) we managed to get a cheaper room as they were ok with James sleeping on the floor while my bro and I shared a king-size bed. So large infact that even Olly will have trouble rolling into me or pushing me off the bed (or poking me in the eye as he somehow managed to in the tent), you need to shout across the bloody thing to hear each other.

The rest of the day getting here out of Yellowstone’s northeast entrance provided some interesting, yet wet, scenery - akin to driving through the lakes. Breakfast was at the same lodge as last night, again thankfully lacking in the goodness of French toast and other pastries. The wildlife was somewhat more apparent compared to yesterday, with a few fields of bison visible, some coming right upto the road. This giving crazy Japanese tourists the chance to stand close enough to be gored by an animal that you should stay at least 100 yards from, can weigh 2000lbs and run at 35mph. "Aha looka me poke it in eye! hahahahha!" We were hoping, it never happened.

A little later on, the numerous far eastern tourists again amazed us by standing on a overhanging cliff edge with an obvious sign marking its instability to stop walkers from straying onto it. Again, they were still not taught a lesson by nature.

We also saw our first ever black bear (that wasn't a silhouette 2ft from our tent) with two cubs, too bad that my camera doesn't have the resolution or zoom to take a good photo of them.

Black bear with 2 cubs (they usually only have one)

A time when I wished I'd brought a better camera

Most of the road was lined with burnt-down trees, again a natural occurrence

Day 10

Highway 120 towards Denver

James needs to get to Denver for his flight back to London on Saturday morning (day 11), nothing to do with his injury, he just couldn't get the time off like Ol, my brother being between jobs at the moment, without forfeiting his job. Plus Unilever's stock has plummeted ever since he came on holiday.

Last nights dinner was in a small Mexican back in Cody, not far from the motel where we partook in the Atkins favourites of tortilla chips and fajita burritos. If the meal was lacking in anything I couldn't find it, they even covered it in cheese for extra healthy goodness. They actually had the nerve to call Olly’s meal the ‘Atkins Special’.

At the moment we're passing by 'nodding donkeys' or whatever you call those oil extractors, with scenery somewhat similar to Nevada, though with a higher content of greenery.

Somewhere on 120

Slight delay, James was just pulled over for doing 80 in a 65mph limit. Friendly officer asked us more questions than customs, eventually telling him to appear in court in the next town on the 27th. Thankfully not compulsory if you just want to pay bond. We did get $10 knocked off the $85 fine for wearing our seatbelts, maybe we should’ve hid someone in the boot or put a few open beer bottles about the car to knock some more off. No points on his licence though!

The town in question then became the perfect photo op, with James standing infront of the “Welcome to Thermopolis” sign with the car just behind him.

James fought the law, but the law won

Lakes in the desert

The first clouds we'd seen in ages

Hick relatives?

Self-service campsite at 10,000ft and though we are terribly cheap, we paid the $10 charge. It’s pretty small but the total lack of bear sensibility (the bins are not bear proof!) either says little bear activity or rangers with little mental capacity. The rest of today was spent just getting here and finally getting some alcohol based fuel from a DIY store, even Wal-Mart didn't sell any (though the Frankenstein’s monster staff weren't that helpful, they probably did sell it). One thing I've noticed about the states is that a lot of fit women work on the roads, whereas this does not seem true of stores. We haven’t been into anything larger than Lancaster (about 50k population) yet though.

Next to the DIY store was a lovely hunting shop, containing every gun there is, even the desert eagle just in case you need to take down a grizzly, wearing body armour, in a tank. Was tempted to ask for something in my urban psycho hat and voice, but I have enough (less lethal) weaponry, in addition there’s the whole 3 day waiting and it’s probably of some importance that I'm not American.

Anyway we have a good fire (the burning kind) going for once, should be a better camping experience rather than going to bed at 10, though it is rather cold this high up.

Notice the use of very warm clothing, it froze overnight

Mmmm invincible ravioli stuff

Mugger?

Blair Witch anyone?

Day 11

Road towards Denver

A good night indeed, well I finally slept well after putting on my clothes, my jumper and a beanie to stop myself from dying of the cold. Maybe I just had hypothermia, it’s odd how your body only wakes you up when you feel like you’re at ‘near death’ body temperature. I brought only a 1-season sleeping bag, servers me right I suppose. Dinner was great, a good meal of invincible ravioli (best before was more of a guess than an exact date) and the view of the sky during the night was truly spectacular - you could really see a 'nebula' like mess of those with lower light, due to there being almost no light pollution whatsoever. One could almost read by the moon, though James chose the fire instead due to it growing somewhat larger after we threw half a tree on it.

Most of today was spent hiking upto around 12,000ft, offering some brilliant views I wish I had a better camera for. For the most part you could see 100miles in every direction but no roads or sign of civilisation. Though enjoyable, the 3/4 of oxygen (technically there’s the same, you just don’t absorb it as well) compared to sea level is quite noticeable and can make the hike a lot more difficult. Plus we met some happy mormons (you can tell when they say they've visited your country for a year and no more, damn missionaries) who told us how the interstates are straight so they can land planes on them incase of terror attacks! I think the polite think would be to have told them to fuck off, though we aren't that polite unfortunately.

Watch for crazy mormons on the peaks

12,000ft and far from civilisation

We've now set course for Denver, well a town near it called Boulder. I'll spend 2 nights there with my brother, leaving James to depart late afternoon tomorrow and get his flight back. God Speed!

Hmm, after commenting jokingly (we never learn, damn bears) on a massive storm nearby in the hills we now see that it’s actually in Boulder. Still, it makes some nice photos and we can laugh sadistically at bikers along the way, assuming lightning doesn’t blow up the motel we're staying in tonight, while we're in it.

With storms like this it isn't difficult to see why so many americans are religious..

Day 12

This motel certainly strains the definition of the word from its size - taking up most of 2 streets. The room is absolutely massive with a separate sitting room, kitchen and bathroom! Dinner last night was in downtown Boulder at 'Old Chicago', a restaurant I'm convinced was a hooters at one point, the women inside were of considerable attractiveness, not forgetting that they were well fit. They forgot to put chicken on my chicken Caesar though, not that I noticed until today. The rest of the night was spent in a jazz club with a typically zany lead singer, dancing on the massive central table we were round with his wireless electronic harmonica (quite a mouthful that, groan).

After a day of shopping in Denver (I really needed some smart shoes for Vegas/home, though that’s 2 pairs of shoes now) James has left us and I'm left alone with my brother for the next 3 weeks. We still have another night here in Boulder, which we would've enjoyed spending watching the new film Collateral in a local cinema, had we found one with sensible times after driving around for hours in the middle of fucking suburbia. Looks like a night of the ‘fair and unbalanced’ coverage on Fox News with a 6 pack of beers. Dinner was at a local franchise called Chili’s, ok but more expensive than Old Chicago and less breasts.

Oooh, show us some shin

Aaah, back in civilisation

Aaah, more back in civilisation

umm..

Day 13

Not much driving today as the park is just north of us. After a largish breakfast Olly and I made up for some of the accessories James brought for camping (a knife mainly) and I got myself a good fleece for any further altitude hiking. We'll spend a night here camping around 8000ft and may do another altitude hike tomorrow.

Spent the rest of the day driving, with a small walk when we reached a good spot near the top point the road gets to, around 12000ft. A good day for photos, spotting a marmot, a sort of cross between a cat and a rodent.

Rocky Mountain National Park	Yes my watch has an altimeter and yes its cold	Good old elk	Camping next to bear rock, on bear campsite, at bear point
	The view from our camping spot, not bad	Our last view before nightfall, the mountains behind shadowing all

If you’re observant, the journal may be slowing down a bit now that James has left, somewhat intentional given that Olly doesn’t want to drive thousands of miles alone (the premium for me, 21, to drive the rental was an extra £30 a day). Still, we have a few more states to drive through and Vegas should provide more than enough to write about. It’s just difficult to write about national parks that look like the Alps, though with bizarre 10000ft tree-lines. I was a little concerned the last 16 days of the hols before Vegas would become "and then we went to this national park, and then we went to another one, and then etc", prove me wrong America!

At the moment we're camped right on the edge of the main campsite in the park in a secluded area surrounded by rocks/bears, not exactly our choice. If only for that damn encounter in Yosemite we wouldn't have so many qualms about camping away from everyone else. Still of course the risks are nonexistent really and tonight is our last night in bear country.

Day 14

Another cold start, Olly's still in the tent so I have a few minutes to write before we have a quick breakfast and head off walking for the morning. Done so because the storm of 2 days ago is a rather common occurrence of the afternoon in this area, Boulder being situated on a massive plain of flat land that suddenly juts up into a mountainous skyline, where we are now.

Last night involved ravioli again, cheap as chips and no skill necessary to cook it. Although my bowels really aren't very happy with me at the moment. Thankfully mr.bear didn't visit us in the night and I slept well given the extra tent space (Olly couldn't poke me in the eye again when I was asleep), I really need to buy a pillow though - with how cold it gets up this high I have to wear my trousers, thick socks and a fleece and hat to stay warm, as was done at the last altitude camping with James. Thus I can’t use any of them as headrest material.

Today was spent on a 3 hour hike culminating in several of the smaller walks available, taking in some of the high lakes in the area. It wasn’t particularly strenuous and provided us with some secluded, impressive scenery. The afternoon was then spent getting to this motel by taking the main (and only) road out to the west of the park, getting upto about 12000ft, where the marmots live. There were a few opportunities to see the wildlife up this high, especially one marmot that seemed to take pride in posing for various tourists that came near. A rather hick American asked Olly what it was and after understanding Olly's London English as 'marmot' and not marmy/mama, proceeded to do a running commentary on his camera based on what Olly said. Would've been fun to say they hoarded gold and flew, while being the natural prey to leprechauns. They didn't really do much but sit there looking fat and go 'eek' every now and then.

Marmot/Olly	Ground rat/squirrel	The highest point we reaced (same as lake to right)	The tallest peak in the area
Suprisingly fearless deer	Most of the walk was through dense forest	More rats	12,000ft and 100 yards from a carpark
Eeek?	Eeeeek!	Bloody poser

One thing I noticed about Americans is that they like to remind you when you do something you aren't supposed to. For example, there’s this thing about not walking on the so-called 'tundra' above the tree lines due to how fragile it is. After someone walked slightly off path another person promptly reminded them of their deviance from the rules. I think I'd have to remind them of my lack of care and that such rules back home are more guidelines than state law.

Anyway, we're staying tonight in a town called Granby just west of the park, nice and devoid of any life whatsoever. The rooms only $50 for a room with 2 double beds, I can't think of many places that could offer that back home without involving you getting murdered during the night.

Day 15

Back on the road again, however today should involve more looking around towns rather than mindless driving. We need to find if this 14000ft peak we intend to hike up is actually surmountable for us anyway.

Last night involved finally seeing Collateral in the surprisingly large local cinema, considering the size of the town. An enjoyable, though slightly ridiculous film, I'd recommend it. However those Americans with us tended to be a bit loud and over the top, above all there were only 11 of them in our theatre (which could seat about 150). The local diner served us a reasonable meal just before the film and I finally got my head around the whole American pint and fluid ounce thing, its 4fl oz less, stingy bastards. Plus with the mandatory tip the cost of each drink can skyrocket. Strange, but everything here is imperial anyway, the metric system seems almost unheard of.

Congratulations go to my brother for breaking the car boot. Thinking it would be funny to constantly keep opening it with the keys after I got something out, I slammed it a little too hard and it no longer shuts properly. We've now had to tie it down with my spare shoelaces so we can drive to the nearest Hertz dealership about 50 miles away in Aspen, the super-rich ski resort of the area. Dinner is consisting of pizza hut and a 6 pack from Safeway, go go gadget constipation. Yet again a night of Americas “most watched, most trusted name in cable news, Fox News”, that recently got into trouble in Europe for being so clearly pro-republican.

Nice one Olly!

Day 16

All our outwardly possessions are now stuffed in the back seats, its a good thing there’s only the two of us. The boot string is thankfully holding, I wont be too chuffed if it flies open doing 70 on the interstate. The cars manual helpfully states that driving with the boot open can lead to fatal CO2 exposure, great. Still it adds a further ‘anecdotal’ thing to mention when we get home.

Well we certainly came out of the breaking our boot situation on top by being upgraded to a car 2 standards higher than the current one, a saloon-sized Toyota that swamps both of us. It’s nice to finally have such a huge boot for the carry all’s and rucksacks and the addition of an ad-free satellite radio service with some 250 channels is certainly welcome! Currently we're recuperating in the cheapest motel we could find here in Buena Vista (yes, we're now in Latino country) after an exhausting day. Instead of doing the 4000ft hike upto the tallest point in Colorado (14,000ft), we went on a ‘little’ bike ride from Aspen to its nearest town. However that town was 19.8 miles away along a riverside path. I enjoy cycling, especially around Rutland water (not that I do it much) back home, but the thing with following rivers is that you tend to go downhill all the way there and have to struggle uphill the entire way back. Which at 7500ft and a 70 degree heat wasn't an easy feat, I've never needed sugar more (god bless lemon-sugar-water, aka Sprite) than after a ride 2.5 times the normal way round Rutland water.

Hmm, not a bad trade really

Day 17

Last night, other than the typical watching of FOX NEWS AMERICAS MOSTS RIGHT WING NEWS CHANNEL and various things on Comedy Central, we visited the local Mexican. Although not exactly what my body wants at the moment, it was very well presented and authentic given our current location, although I still really wish American portions were smaller. Tonight it looks like we'll be camping again, hardly for price reasons given some of the deals we've been getting recently, its just nice to have a change. Here’s hoping Great Sand Dunes park isn't as barren as it sounds.

Strangely enough, in this new car there's something fucking around with my watches compass, on my side it points right as north and left on the drivers’ side.

Notice how the clouds cover the entire mountain range ONLY

Dunes?

Sand!

Well we got to the sand dunes early so we thought it best to just continue on our journey rather than camp. The dunes themselves were another oddity of the area being totally out of place, all the sand from the largest valley in the world blown over to one corner of it, forming sand dunes and plains one would expect on a Norfolk coast but on a much greater scale. Unfortunately my shoes of some 4 1/2 years were claimed by them as sand pulled the heels off - yet another thing to buy while here (that makes 3 pairs of shoes I’ll buy in America now, horrar). It was good to get another walk in anyway and the views up on the dunes were spectacular, as the yellow sand suddenly becomes grassy mountainside.

Oliver never totally got all the sand out his shoes in the next 20 days

The sand quickly turns back to grassland

The last I ever saw of those shoes *sniff*

We just drove for a while where the radio totally fucked up and all stations were static, confusing given it happened after Olly started the engine again in a garage, the only variable changing being my medium Pepsi. Either Pepsi is actually able to block radio signals (thus not a recommended drink) or there was an unmarked military base nearby jamming everything. I doubt it was the car just randomly screwing up, yes definitely wouldn’t be that.

On a less random note, we just entered New Mexico, our 8th state out of the 10 we plan to visit.

Taos (rhymes with house) is certainly an appealing city, all buildings, even the franchises are made from or have the appearance of the Indian Adobe wall structure - made entirely from hardened mud. The adobe Wal-Mart was taking it a little too far though. The town itself is primarily arts focused, Ol choosing to get his significant other/girlfriend/mistress an 'authentic' Mexican plate, I cant wait to see him get it on the plane (as well as through the next 15 days) without a breakage.

I'm sure the natives love this

Day 18

We just visited the local Taos Pueblo created a thousand years ago by native Indians and still maintained by the elders and their relatives. All the structures were true adobe and maintained by those that lived within them once a year, less they fall into disrepair. Of most interest was the remarkably attractive Indian woman who gave our group a tour and the fact none of the Americans with us were capable of asking questions beyond "how old is this place" and "where am I", thus Olly had to ask about the political autonomy of native Indian culture, which left her a little stumped until he put it in the form of “iz der Indeanz indurpendant of guvurnment and howe”.

Last night involved yet another Mexican meal, my stomach is trying to leap out of my body and escape, the poor thing.

On the way to Santa Fe is the famous and 'proud' town that was the secret birthplace of the atomic bomb, the test site being some 200 miles south of it. The only real attraction was the official museum, which thankfully presented a more balanced view than "nukes are cool and stop terrorism", showing a same size model of one of the two bombs, 'fat man'. To finish, before setting back off on the road again, we sat in a theatre for 15 mins to watch a film not that far removed from the 50's, where one wouldn't be surprised if the ending mentioned the possibility of man one day reaching to the moon.

Not a real bomb

The nukes are on me

Paebloan architecture in Santa Fe

Another impressive adobe town, again with its commercialisation (read: franchises) moved to the outskirts. We're staying in a particularly seedy establishment not far from the central plaza, aka downtown. Not that I really care, but soon we'll be camping a few nights to save money before Vegas and because it would be really fucking stupid to get a motel next to the grand canyon.

Day 19

Last night we finally we had our first decent (not a bloody Mexican) meal of the holiday at a smallish Italian restaurant in the centre of town, I haven't had calamari for so long and for so cheap. Total cost of the meal each was $24 plus tip for main course and a tiramisu to finish. A great meal if only the waiter hadn't inferred we would want to eat one tiramisu with two forks, we're BROTHERS and we aren't from some crazy fundamentalist Mormon sect that loves homosexual incest polygamy or something. Maybe I read a little too much into what he said.

Today we plan to get thru the above large city and get as close to Canyon De Shelly (pronounced ‘Shey’) as possible, with a stop off at the must see 'Sky City' pueblo perched on the side of a cliff 7000ft up.

This is possibly the worst town I've ever had to stay in, ever. The entire place is a shamble of a hundred non-franchised motels, an equal number of those instantly recognisable and an uncountable number of fast food joints. Its only reason for existing is due to the railroad running through the middle, the entire towns franchises on the north side of the tracks are just mirrored on the south side. There's THREE McDonalds in a town with a population of only a few thousand, you can drive to each one in about a minute from anywhere. Sometimes the utter prefabrication of franchises and the ugly seeming non-regulation when it comes to signposting and advertising really makes me hate American towns, even when we're in such a beautiful part of it.

At least the pueblo was more interesting, perched about 250ft up on a plateau (called a mesa) from the rest of the land around it. It was less cut off from civilisation compared to the Taos pueblo (everyone had a truck) and the general population were difficult to look at (fat + fugly), but the views were astounding. Too bad they wanted $10 just to take a camera, it wasn't worth it given I got a few shots from afar.

'Sky City'	So many climbing problems, stingy natives wont allow permits	THE WORST TOWN IN AMERICA
Franchies love this place, as do companies that sell neon lights	You can't read it, but that sign says "$17.99 twin room", jeez

The only thing of interest to state about Albuquerque is that a nuke was accidentally dropped on it that failed to detonate. I'm not sure if that was a good thing, the city was a pretty lifeless mash of franchises, the only part of interest being the old adobe town it grew from. I think I'll be glad if it's the last we see though, all these adobe towns are build and look exactly the same! On a further negative note, Olly left his rough guide to the 4 corner states on the dashboard, where it promptly melted and detached the first 100 pages.

I wish signs were this big back home

We were the only white people for at least 50 miles

Day 20

Route 666 (uhoh)

I'm quite glad to be rid of Gallup, it really was quite hideous. Nice to see so many obviously Mexican day workers trying to hitch hike up north with us though. Gallup probably wouldn't have been so shit if we'd actually done something like seeing a film. The thing with American cinemas, other than the facts they don’t advertise outside what films they're showing or even that they are a cinema, is that the late evening showings are at 7:30 and at 10:00 - meaning you either eat stupidly early, though I assume the American dinner time is a lot earlier than ours, or don’t bother going down the pub, sacrilege!

As for dinner, I'd rather not talk about the so-called "world famous" diner we were in, the waitress who seemed shocked we would ask for alcohol in the place and the two men who kept staring at us until we rather hurriedly walked back to the car.

On a lighter note, we just crossed into our penultimate and 9th state, Arizona. I can feel it getting a hotter already, quite literally. Canyon de Shelly was one of those places that cannot really be described, I'll leave pictures to try and do it for me.

Canyon de Shelly	...	...	Look closely and you can see an ancient town built under the canyon walls
I wouldnt want to climb those, notice the cars at the bottom for scale	Spider Rock	...

Mexican Hat, the 'town' we're in, came into existence because of the gold rush so many years ago. Unfortunately it was only fools gold that anyone found and the place simply became a stop-off for people going to and from the infamous monument valley - ourselves being the latter. The rock formations and red rock sand are the impression Hollywood gives of the 4 corner states (UT, NM, CO & AR) in various John Wayne and Clint Eastwood films. The truth being that monument valley is tucked away in southern Utah/Northern New Arizona and is the only real example of the lonely wind swept rock formations. A truly unique sight though and another definite recommendation.

The sudden change to the red deserts around Monument Valley	Rather glum indian town selling various tack (they sell it EVERYWHERE)	Inside Monumnet Valley	The drive to reach each mesa
3 sisters	Storm approaching from the left	The worst motel in the entire holiday

Day 21

After last night in by far the worst room we've had so far, the decision was made to spend a couple of nights in better accommodation in the adventure town of Moab (its reason for being due to adventure seekers). We just travelled on a gravel road up the side of a giant mesa with a view of the entire Navajo Indian reservation that encompasses so much of the four corner states. Early morning was spent at an overlook of a snaking canyon, with the beutiful and intricate shadowing one would expect at the time.

Snaking canyon

...

The Navajo (Navaho) Indian Reservation from 1000ft above it

...

I know I normally put an entry in when we're at the motel, but it's not like much will happen from now till then. The morning up until now (2:30pm) was spent travelling to various outlooks along the way, encompassing the largest natural bridges in the world (where we got a few short hikes in) and the most expansive vista I've ever seen. The latter being the 'maze' of canyons visible from a 1500ft mesa vertical drop, another sudden change given we had just gone into less arid crop-growing land. Unfortunately towns are now becoming more like the Mormon crap we left in northern Utah (Salt Lake City), with a total lack of civilisation or the franchises you actually come to expect in American towns, though preferably in smaller doses. Moab should be better though, oh god please.

Oooh, natural bridges make me horny	or mabye not	Rough terrain	One of the worlds largest natural bridges
Needles Overlook	Not terrain I would like to attempt	Another 'Mega' Storm similar to Boulder

Day 22

River Canyon Lodge, Moab

About time that we stay in a nice hotel and spend our first time on what is not the ground floor (called the first floor over here). The hotel is clean and well presented and the room is immaculate, plus its only $53 a night as we're staying a further two nights until Thursday (day 24).

Yesterday afternoon was spent looking for activities to partake in over the next couple of days in such an adventurous town. I was pretty adamant about getting Olly to go rafting due to him never doing it before, however Olly wished to go mountain biking again (as he did in Jackson). Both really due to the area, with the intense Colorado river rapids nearby and the abundance of 'slickrock' upon which 45-50degree climbs can be attempted with suitable run-up. Thankfully we were able to reach a compromise with a company offering half day versions of both on separate days. The choice was made to do the biking this morning and follow with an easier raft tomorrow, whilst I would've preferred harder rapids (these being only class I and II), we are doing it in a two man kayak which should make it a little more exciting.

As I already said, this morning was spent doing my first ever mountain bike excursion, with a full suspension bike capable of some quite surprising manoeuvres over difficult terrain (compared to the road/track biking I’m used to). I thoroughly enjoyed the experience after getting the hang of the bike and my qualms about moving more quickly, a certain thanks to my brother for getting me to tag along. The trail itself was about 15 miles, starting with a short stretch to get beginners used to the bikes and followed with a 1 1/2 hour uphill climb up steep slickrock. After a short hike around the top plateau we got back in less than a third the time it took uphill from the jeep initially. All that plus for the $70 or so it cost each (not entirely sure given that it was as aforementioned, part of a $110 package), the guide took only my brother and I. Thus there was no waiting for crowds and it felt a lot more personal - and fun obviously!

The hike at the top of the trail

Ol (left) with his new cycling shorts and our guide. The case on the floor is for this camera

One of the plains we visited the next day, just to the left of the previous picture

The guide was also able to impose his wisdom upon us in relation to many things, most importantly that of the American seasons. We hadn’t noticed it before but when you think about it there’s only two: Winter and Road-Building.

However, before going biking, the previous afternoon we purchased some new cycling shorts so I could use Ols, the 40 mile bike ride taking its toll on my arse for wearing normal shorts. In the shop, the only pair that would fit Ol were $95+tax, not giving up Olly asked if the price could be lowered. The somewhat insane shop attendent recommended that perhaps he should try some ladies styles' that fit him but look ok, Ol then responding that he could just goto the shop over the road. The attendent, other than saying the words 'dude' and 'cool' every few seconds, then gave Oliver the shorts for just over the cost price of the wrong item, so they probably lost money instead. America sure is great for bargains when you deal with idiots. One quote will live with me forever, when he asked how much the normal cost was I jokingly said "er. $40", he then quickly responded "yeah DUDE, like 3 bucks dude woah! hahahah". Oh dear.

Its now about 5pm so I think it's time to make use of the pool facilities round back, welcome given the 100 plus temperatures Moab can average this time of year. 

Well, after joking about bouncing ones’ towel down to a pool chair ala the famous carling commercial, comedy Germans actually DID take all of the fucking sun beds. I think I actually saw the level of the pool-water rise when father and son entered the water, both akin to Augustus Gloop.

Day 23

Late afternoon, Hotel

Today was not quite on par with the mountain biking, but a nice excursion in the morning anyway. The rapids were a lot more class I than II and no real challenge whatsoever even in the 2 man kayak we were in, thus coining them "The River Mild" or ‘Vapids’. Still, Olly got his first rafting in, hopefully he'll try something harder in the future to see what proper rafting is all about, plus the scenery was again astounding.

Last night involved more comedy Utah laws when trying to go out drinking, with a bar telling us we had to order a food item in order to drink at the obvious bar that was actually just an extended restaurant. We ended the night going to the local cinema, with a choice between the borne supremacy, Garfield and AvP, it wasn't a difficult one. Apparently AvP is up there with such comically bad movies as Day after tomorrow or Garfield infact (which is nothing like Garfield whatsoever). It was certainly a mind fuck movie and not seeing the first didn’t help, but the action was incredible (especially in the Moscow scenes, actually shot IN Moscow for once) and I thoroughly enjoyed it more than the somewhat ridiculous Collateral.

Day 24

After ‘checking out’ for the first time of the holiday, where you pay rather than just dropping the keys at the 'reception'/hole in ground, we are heading out to the famous 'Island in the Sky' in Canyonlands National Park. We should be camping tonight about 200 miles down the road on the way towards the Grand Canyon and the eventual Vegas on Sunday (Day 27).

Canyonlands, no idea who they are precariously close to the edge

One of the sprawling dry canyons

If you look closely, all the rock layers from the last 200 million years are visible

One of my favourite sights all holiday, unfortunately obscured by yet another huge storm

Again, to go over the previous night, it involved comedy waiting times at a local pizza/everything joint just down from the hotel (well, everything was just down from it really, so Olly could drink without having to drive back), while they seemed to make up more Utah law about drinking. This time you weren't allowed to take drinks out of the bar into the restaurant, which you had to take a $4 membership out to drink in, which they deducted from your restaurant bill, which you could order drinks in.

So everyone just downs their drinks upon being told their meal is ready, nice job on stopping drinking there Mormons.

The meal was a little OTT by the standards of what we'd been eating in the past week, like the restaurant in Salt Lake by taking the word salad to an all new level - adding chicken covered in cheese, breadcrumbs, sliced eggs and more cheese. There was some salad in there somewhere, probably at the bottom. My meal was a giant mess of pasta, probably one of the largest portions I've been given so far, god bless America and quantity over quality!

Its early evening here in Capitol Reef national park, so called because of the ‘reef’ of mountains with odd summits that look similar to the Capitol buildings. We've had yet another crappy trangia (our little alcohol-based camping stove) meal of rice and ravioli and I'm typing this by the natural glow of the in-car reading light. Today was spent travelling to a few vistas similar to the needles overlook seen before going into Moab, managing to catch a quick talk from a ranger on the numerous rock layers visible in the cliffs and canyons.

The rest of the day was spent getting here, with a short time to see the park itself (and stop off at an 'Arbys' in another town devoid of life if not for its franchises). The unfortunate thing with coming from such an astoundingly vast beauty as Canyonlands is that little can compare to it, thus feeling a bit like the view from inside a canyon - restricted.

Capitol Reef campsite, no bears

One of the valleys in Capitol Reef Natl Park

Interesting layered rock formations

Blair Witch 2

Day 25

After packing up quickly this morning we set off to spend today in Bryce Canyon National Park, famous for its towering 'hoodoos' (lone rock structures like sea pillars) and only a short drive from Capitol Reef. The drive itself passing more alpine scenery as we ascended again to 10,000ft+.

Must've taken a wrong turn and ended up in France

and back to more slickrock in a few miles. America loves these 'infosigns' btw

...

Bryce itself was another park intent on showing all of its sights without much walking from the car necessary, not exactly an entertaining method of getting around, but it did prove handy in the end. It turns out that Bryce is another of these desert areas around the 4 corner states currently in its 'Monsoon Season', as another storm reminiscent of the worst that happens back home rolled in above our heads, apparently doing so on a daily basis. The amount of, and closeness of, the lightning being quite harrowing and a definite off-putter for walking around, even just upto a vista/overlook.

Bryce Canyon	More furry rats	Huge natural arch in Bryce	The 'Hoodoos' of Bryce (standing rock formations). Notice its getting a little darker
Now its getting a lot darker	Uhoh	Hail like something out of a bad Hollywood movie containing the words 'Day' and 'Tomorrow'	VIDEO: Just how bad it was

At least there was a positive side to Bryce in finally getting some postcards sent off I wrote up in the campsite last night, about 9 days before we get back home (hopefully we shouldn't beat them back).

<quick note, we beat them back, its now Day 40 so they probably wont ever be arriving ffs>

We're currently in a ‘mom n pop’ motel near Zion National Park, our second to last on this trip. We should do a few walks around it tomorrow before setting off for the obvious last stop before Vegas, the Grand Canyon. Oliver ‘acquired’ the Book of Mormon from the hotel room, should prove an interesting gift to someone back home.

Day 26

Last night was certainly a nice break, with another meal in a 'restaurant du posh' where the price should've been in £s considering the level of service and quality. It was also the first wine we've had since the evening of Day 0, a chilled Californian Sauvignon Blanc.

Today was another early start in order to beat the crowds to the shuttles up to the park, as all traffic is now banned (thought not due to road construction for once!). The walks were of a moderate difficulty at the start, but considering how some people could get up there with a 200lb rucksack of flab, it wasn't that much of a challenge. An American couple that we passed at the start and then again at the end (we took a longer route upto the top of the walk) were surprised at how fast we were, perhaps if they'd noticed we're some 30 years younger and not meandering along it wouldn’t be that remarkable.

The last walk involved something called 'canyoneering', or 'ruining your boots' as the waterproofing doesn't work too well when the water is at knee height. I doubt the things will be dry for days now, which means grand canyon walking in my sandals and muchos blisters. Just to say another quick thing (that should have been mentioned many times before) is that use of dry humour amongst Americans is not advisable. When a couple walked towards us after our ‘canyoneering’ and asked “How was it” the obvious response was “wet”, which they seemed to take as cynicism rather than as the cheap joke we would view it as back home. Its not the first time in the holiday I’ve noticed it, I’m now having to stop Ol from being as ‘sarcy’ as he normally is, it never goes down well.

Near the entrance to Zion	...	Tunnel built in the 50's to service the park traffic	Ol trying to boulder in his boots, walking in Zion Natl Park
	Ominous cliffs	If only James were here

Just stopped in a quaint little Indian-esque town called Kanab for a quick 'Subway', that’s a sandwich for non-Americans. They're quite obsessed with the whole healthy eating cause, given the prominence of healthy heart and Atkins symbols (why the hell are you going to a sandwich joint when you're on a LOW CARBOHYDRATE diet), though the fact most people order sandwiches at least a foot long usually cancels the goodness out somewhat. Olly and I stumbled on a feeble 6inch baguette, they went out of their way to load up with delicious fatty goodness.

Of interest we should be back here tomorrow to turn off onto the famous Arizona strip, with its lovely fundamentalist Mormon community of polygamists in large houses - Colorado City. The only reason I know this due to a book called 'Under the Banner of Heaven' I’ve been reading that explains some of the atrocities within the town and how the regime in the town (and its religion) almost compares to the Taliban, yet sits on Americas borders. I don't think there'll be much encouragement to linger, but I'll try to get a picture of some gingham pinafores.

Day 27

Few words describe the majesty and overall size of the grand canyon, with viewpoints situated on the very edge of 2000ft straight drops and the bottom of the canyon (The Colorado river) then being a further 4000ft down!

The Grand Canyon	Fuck!	Nice outcrop with signs warning you to run away from the edge if your hair stands on end, sure sign lightning is about to kill you	and on that outcrop, with all its metal railings..
	Heavenly cloud	Bearing in mind, it is a BIG canyon

Though today is our first in Vegas, we aren't going to let a 5 hour drive get in the way of a must-do hike into part of the canyon. We should be able to get about 3 hours in if we want to arrive early enough.

The previous night here was again rather chilly given the height, but one of the most enjoyable camping experiences given the amenities it provides. By that I refer to drinking a pint can of fosters next to a roaring campfire while singing Jerusalem with my brother. Especially enjoyable due to our German neighbours spending half the night trying to keep their fire going by waving various things at it and blowing a lot. We did win the war after all.

Hmm, a quick stop off at a garage was necessary before the long trek to Vegas. However this garage offered an interesting array of purchases including lottery tickets, guns (LOTS of guns), ammo and beer. We should be in Vegas in about 3 1/2 hours depending on breaks.

Start of the walk	If you look closely (zoom in) you can see a tiny little bridge at the bottom in the middle. We hiked down 2500ft to there.	The bridge itself, 2500ft down	with unfortunately restrictive views
Heavenly cloud	Our penultimate view	The grass flat on the other side and lower down is the south rim	Yeehaw!

As for this morning, a good hike was had, certainly very different to any I'm used to given it was akin to hiking a mountain backwards - easy downhill at the start to blister your feet and a long hard strog to get back up to level ground again! We descended and ascended about 2200ft in just under 3 hours and got a few photos in on the way, just having a little disappointment in being confined to such a small section of the canyon. Unfortunately my boots just didn't dry enough overnight to be useable in any comfortable way, thus leading to a use of sandals and thick socks (argh the ultimate 'dad' fashion crime). My feet were ok for the trip with only minor bruising, the worst part was due to the sheer quantity of mule crap all over the damn path.

Do you know the way to Colorado City? I've been a mormon some time

Nice big houses marking the start of happy polygamist territory

Colorado City wasn't quite as exciting as I hoped, Ol advised me against taking pictures of the locals as the guide advised us to actually give the village a miss. Its exact words being "They will immediately assume you are a magazine journalist looking to write a sensational article on polygamy. There is no encouragement to linger." Of the pinafores we saw, the best was a bloke driving a truck with lots of women about the same age all in the back, must be friends of his.

We're finally here and I'm back after a 4-year absence. The glittering city of lights that maintains one of the largest tourist populations of any in the world with none of the big city problems, other than gambling, drugs and prostitution. So blatant infact that every street corner is littered with the American-style news boxes, filled with pornography, and a selection of Mexicans slapping leaflets with info on strippers into your hands. They're quite adamant about it and even have methods to make you accidentally take one just through human nature, these usually involving slapping the things on their wrists before offering straight into your face, or making some other noise, usually by scraping it against all the other leaflets they have. There’s a real knack to it, it even made Olly collect a bunch of them and hand them to me, bastard.

Vegas baby! The new Wynn hotel is visible under construction on the left

Our hotel, New York New York, with its trademark rollercoaster all the way round

Onto less important issues, the hotel is definitely one of the best situated on the Strip and contains a large assortment of dining and drinking establishments, more so than some casinos that just slap them randomly around the main gaming area *cough* Monte Carlo *cough*. The room we’re in is of a good size and well decorated, as well as being inexpensive. However given the price of everything else I'll still end up spending half my money here. Tonight we plan to see the horrendously over-hyped film "Without a paddle" in the multiplex over the road, should prove fun, if we have any money left given the cost of getting drunk is astronomical (about £4 a pint minimum).

Vegas is a much more different place when you're 21 and when you have to pay for everything yourself..

Day 28

Today was mostly spent touring the various casinos we didn't see the first night, taking in most of the strip from the Luxor upto the still under-construction Wynn. Of interest were the Venetian and the Aladdin, both containing long rows of shops and restaurants pulled together by the themes of Venice and Arabia respectively -controlled through an impressive artificial sky. The former having the typical European street human statues as well as gondolas floating on a large faux canal - all above the main casino!

The Parisian and The Alladin just to the right of the picture	The most expensive and extravagant hotel in Vegas, The Bellagio. The entire pond out front is used for a fountain show	The Bellagio also seems to be the most patriotic hotel in Vegas too	The Venetian and its clocktower
The magnificent interior of the Venetian	The waterfalls of the Mirage	The MGM Grand lions, generally acting like cats and sleeping 14 hours a bloody day	Wow its doing something. The number of people using flash photography was comical, I do hope they have fun with their over-exposed pics as the flash reflects off of the glass

We were also hoping to get in one of the Bellagio's famous fountain spectacles out the front of the hotel, yet despite what we were told, they unfortunately never occurred on 3 separate occasions we were there. The only time we did see it was on the drive south along the strip when we arrived.

As for last night, after an impressive Italian meal due to the cocky shits in the nearby American restaurant who forgot to actually serve us, we took in the aforementioned movie. Whether drunkenness played a part by then, it was another positive for both of us, well timed and ridiculous while being terribly relevant to our bear related experiences back in Yosemite. The night was finished in a kind of cabaret bar, where I made the amazingly foolish mistake of confusing a $100 with a $1 for the barmaids tip. However unlike the real New York this is Vegas, the staff do understand that people make mistakes, rather than telling you to fuck off for trying to get a tip back.

Tonight, assuming I haven't gambled my life away, we've got an IMAX screening of the new Spiderman movie. I've already seen it, but the benefit of seeing Kirsten Dunst 100ft high may help, as long as I pretend not to hear the ohsocheesy dialog in parts.

Day 29

If you can see a film again, especially an action-oriented one, IMAX is the definite way to do it. The cinema in the Luxor only seats about 100 people, right in front of the screen itself with bars because of the height the rows get to, very different to most IMAX theatres back home. Thus you are forced to look around the screen to actually see all of the action, the extreme detail possible both showing how much an advancement the SFX were in the second instalment as well as parts of the film you may have missed (e.g. you can even read the blurbs on posters).

Today the plan is a tour of the farther parts of the strip, including the Hilton and the famous Stratosphere. We considered taking in a strip club later tonight (that would be an upmarket one in the Luxor, not one advertised by Mexicans on the street), however with the costs of everything else it just wont be worth it.

Where to begin, I think with the worst part of the trip - the Stratosfear. Other than being situated in the really rundown part of Las Vegas, where one would rather pay money than walk down at night, the hotel is a barrage of tack shops and other related goods one would expect from a Wal-Mart. It seems that its location far from the other hotels meant no one was willing to move in other than the crap already littering that end of the strip, far removed from the Armani, Gucci, etc one can see in the malls of every other hotel. Thankfully the experience was short lived (like the fabulously awful Tropicana, with its 7 ft roof clearance in places, or the nothing-but-casino Monte Carlo) and made way for the Hilton hotel, famed for its 'Star Trek Experience' ride.

<warning, if you don’t like star trek you may want to skip the next 2 pages>

After the tram ride getting there (it runs behind the strip along its entire length) was emblazoned with the Borg style of architecture and told us we were going to be assimilated instead of when to get off, we were expecting somewhat of a geeky experience. Olly is what I would describe as the anti-geek, not someone who would really enjoy that sort of thing, but he did used to be into the programs upto about the age of 18. The ride itself was thankfully discounted down $10 to $25 at the start, which was a plus though made us wonder what ride could possibly be worth even what we paid. It began with an extended history of star trek, encompassing all of the series’, including the shocking Enterprise, with some well made replica props, all on a walkway slash queue leading you to the 2 rides 'Klingon Encounter' and 'Borg Invasion 4D'.

The former started with your typical safety briefing as if one were to step into a simulator ride, with 4 doors in front indicating the seats, 4 rows to stand in, etc with about 20 people there. The briefing then proceeded to falter until the room suddenly went black followed by a sudden gust of wind. When the lights returned you're standing on a transporter pad (I'm still not sure how the floor was changed or where the wind came from) with everyone else in a faithful recreation of that off of the next generation enterprise. After some interaction between safety officers and transporter chief the crowd was herded through the deck to the main bridge, with as much attention to detail as everything before it and a full bridge crew interacting around you. The premise was about a renegade group of Klingons after the group due to some nonsense about someone being an ancestor to Picard and included Riker (Jonathan Frakes) and Geordi (LeVar Burton) on the view screen, cleverly integrated despite being pre-recorded. The ‘group’ was then moved into a turbolift to one side of the bridge and were taken to the shuttlebay with comms interaction to indicate phaser and photon hits incoming (and the subsequent violent shakings in the lift).

The finale to the 'tour' was a relatively small simulator that encompassed a phaser battle through various space and planet situations, culminating by going through a rift in space back to flying above Vegas itself, another unexpected occurrence. The simulator then 'landed' in a backstage part of the Hilton, the doors opening to a surprised Janitor and faux backstage back upto the Deep Space Nine themed shopping promenade.

It’s funny, but at the end of the simulator ride, Picard (Patrick Stewart) explained the rather weak plot and finalised the story. Yet when Patrick Stewart says anything that would sound bullshit from any other actor, it instantly becomes believable.

Though exhilarating enough, there was another ride yet to be completed - this one not trying to act like the previous as you find yourself immediately in the post-Voyager universe in the habitat ring of a space station. The premise, involving the EMH (Robert Picardo) and Catherine Janeway (Kate Mulgrew), being that the group may contain some Borg-resistant gene. The somewhat predictable Borg invasion then shut down power through the station, the crew then having to get us to an escape shuttle. Though similar, the walk involved Borg assimilating crew members trying to help you through the corridors, then following you to the actual shuttle, a convincing atmosphere.

The resulting simulator ride involved another completely unexpected experience as the Borg queen herself (no idea on the actress) 'assimilated' the group, all now with 3d goggles on. Along with what was on the viewscreen ahead of us indicating this fact, the sound and subsequent poking in the back by lots of probes in each chair produced a compelling and disturbing effect. Some help from the voyager ship then meant freedom and the end of an equally impressive ride, both a definite recommendation for anyone into the star trek universe.

The Vegas monorail, mono meaning one, rail meaning rail. Complete with supersized americans

Day 30

Today we check out (despite the clever attempt by the hotel to get us to stay) and leave Vegas to head out to our final destination, Boston. The plan is to skip the usual late breakfast and go for lunch in one of the strip hotels instead, followed by a trip to the main attraction outside of Vegas, the Hoover Dam.

Last night was again spent in the cabaret bar inside our hotel, this time with a pop cover band doing all sorts of catchy songs from a crazy 70's unknown to a great rendition of Hey Ya by Outkast. The piece de la resistance being 2 really bad dancers either side, throwing themselves around in a vain attempt to get in time with the music. Thankfully there were no hideously obese people taking up space like our first night here.

Dinner was a sorry affair unfortunately, we travelled to the mile long shopping mall in the Aladdin hotel, eating in a main plaza area akin to some Arabian town and one of the highlights of Vegas. Fish and chips is obviously an expensive dish given the proximity to no sea, but to cost so much and be delivered in a basket with no cutlery was not what we wanted. It’s also likely to be our last dinner out, unless one counts the plane and the peanuts we’ll get.

The Luxor pyramid and a last farewell to Vegas, you took much of my money.

The Hoover Damn wasn't an attraction worth seeing, at least from the top of it. It's a giant slab of concrete, its an impressive engineering achievement, it killed a lot of people, but despite the number of tourists there it really wasn’t worth the drive. Dad enjoyed it last time we were here, but that was from a helicopter.

However the day was not all lost, we did encounter a crazy hick-speaking park-entrance attendant and got in a visit to the huge Vegas mall to get myself a third pair of shoes. Not just because of the price though, I had lost my everyday shoes back in the sand dunes and didn't want to wear my $100 timberlands for everything.

The airport provided our crappy pizza hut express dinner, where they didn’t let you open the boxes not due to hygiene but because you probably wouldn't buy the pizza if you saw the size of the crappy little thing. It also took the last of my money (yes it has a casino) as I had some time to kill, I think I'll just stick to tables next time I get the chance to gamble. Slot machines just suck up your money and laugh at you, honest!

Day 31

The flight was short but with the extra 3 hours from the timezone difference, it took 8 hours out of the day and our sleeping time. Thankfully I just had the chance to get in a 3 hour nap so I'm wide awake again, well sort of. The aforementioned beachouse is situated on its own little island near the east coast and belongs to the grandfather of the friend of Ollys that got us here, Rick Burnes. Its far from empty as 4 other older friends of his grandfather are staying in it, all retired yet great to talk to and hilarious. I should spend this afternoon doing various sea related activities, with the first free dinner tonight in a long time.

The beachhouse, on its own island, near sunset. The sea is just beyond the island in the distance.	From the pier. My room was in the middle partition, just to the left of the window thats white	The front side of the house	People actually sail on the sea too apparently
Bye sun	The dinner table, from left to right: Myself, Ricks grandfather and mother, his sister and his father	Of course Olly was there too!	Unflattering shot of Rick Burnes

(well that was a short entry)

Day 32

Our penultimate day, we're on the road with Ricks brother Alex driving his car back home in scenery quite similar to that round the area outside of Peterborough.

Yesterday’s activities, other than sleeping, involved table tennis and a nice bit of sailing out in the bay that I'm sure my father would've enjoyed. Saying that, I think anyone would’ve enjoyed the house itself and its location, truly magnificent.

Dinner was like a big family meal and quite different to those of the last month given the roast ham, sweetcorn (self-rolled in butter) and stuffed tomatoes (that’s tow-may-toes). Also, given the houses’ proximity to such a great horizon on the sea the sunsets could show an impressive array of colours (though unfortunately not the penumbra), the sunrise I caught due to alcohol getting me up at 5am was akin to the reds and oranges of some Lord of the Rings Mordor landscape, very impressive.

The house itself is of identical build to the beachhouse, with the same style of wood used throughout the countryside here. Inside its a lot more rustic and similar to something one would expect back home in Rutland, perhaps why the area itself is called New England, more than just another random name. It’s also only a couple minutes drive from the sea, giving us the chance to go for a quick swim before dinner. The high tide near where a river empties into the sea provided a current one could get in by the sea and float on until the current dies along the river, kind of like doing rapids in a life jacket. We plan to return tomorrow with kayaks (what we call canoes back home), I don't recall ever rafting in the sea, should be interesting.

Other than our seaborne antics, we stopped in a harbour just off from the beachhouse for Lunch. I'd forgotten just how thick clam chowder can be, not to say it wasn’t a lovely meal, just a little filling - something one has to get used to in America, but it takes more than just a month. The views were something I wish I had my camera for, the kind of sights Dad loves, minus CalMac ferries of course (there isn’t enough space to explain what I mean by that though).

Dan, Marcy and Oliver at the front of Rick's parents house

and to finish, a really crappy shot of the house only put in because it's the last photo I took and the only one of the house

Day 33

Well, we made it through the month and we only gained a few pounds, in our bags anyway. We're currently waiting for our Virgin flight back over the pond to the green isles and away from these annoying American phrases.

Last night we gained a few guests for dinner (including a further 2 friends Olly knows from the Moscow Times - Dan and Marcy), again like a large family meal and thankfully with portions of our own choosing. Much banter ensued, most of which was directed towards Bush and none of which in a positive light - after being among strict Republican Mormons in Utah for so long (they all vote according to what the church tells them to, which is always Conservative) its a nice break to be among more left-thinking people like our commie selves.

Today, after a breakfast of lovely preservative filled bagels (I want a loaf of bread FFS) there wasn't much time left before it was necessary to get to the airport, including time for lunch. As Dan and Marcy were still with us we set off for the beach again with kayaks in tow. They made it a little more interesting given the low tide stopped the aforementioned current from forming to swim in – the kayaks taking much less clearance than a person and gliding over a lot of places only shin deep. I didn't quite (at all) get the hang of using waves to give the boat a speed boost, instead filling it with water and flipping. Not helping was that I don't do salt water well, it really makes it hard to see due to some nasty ocular irritation. Well I thought I didn't anyway, I still rode some waves on my back without that much of a problem, got to stop being so weak.

The trip to the airport was short but sweet, Dan volunteering to drive us while discussing opinions on our countries differences and further Arnold/bush bashing. Too bad it culminated in a 30 minute queue to get through security, at least my fears of it being horrendously anal in detail (3hrs+) were unfounded. It was nice of the security man to keep shouting out that the METAL DETECTOR will cause a false positive on heavy METALS on your person. This didn't stop someone going through covered in gold chains, change and probably metal trousers and metal shoes and a metal plate in his stupid fucking head.

We should land around 7am London time, with a further couple of hours to take the train back home to bonny Rutland.

If a little American girl standing next to me doesn’t stop shouting 'Doctor Rector' every 5 seconds I might have to kill her.

Day 34

Olly’s girlfriend Sam (that he spent quite a while phoning stateside) surprisingly picked us up in the airport, saving us an annoying tube journey with the excessive extra baggage we’ve accumulated over the past month. After dropping me off at Kings Cross, my next activity was to actually drop off in the train waiting at the platform when I got there, it was about 4am Boston time after all. Coincidentally the train was quite full of our American travellers, a noteworthy vice-versa on the end of such a great holiday. Parents picked me up from Peterborough station, saving a further train switch and ride to Oakham while I was quite knackered. Got home, fell in bed, slept for 4 hours, screwed up my being able to sleep that night, etc. Anyone who’s been jetlagged from a flight that misses the night knows the drill. I had two this holiday!

I suppose I should summarise what I thought of it all. I think it was a great bonding experience that brought me closer to my brother, ensuring a lasting friendship despite our many arguments, though we are brothers after all. America may be the other side of the world, but the similarities between our cultures outnumber the differences. On previous holidays I had held the opposite opinion, but living amongst Americans for so long shows that, especially on the coasts, even the scenery and climate are similar. My regard for the culture has also been elevated from my previous negative nuances - based solely on the accent and the apparent rampancy of commercialism. Americans, at least those that I encountered, appear a kind people undeserving of the level of criticism they receive. However, I’m not saying I’m now pro Bush and pro Hick, I just view everything so much more positively.

Best part of the holiday for me is a difficult decision to make, but I go with both the vistas of the Grand Canyon and the expansive void of Nevada. The former due to the sheer awe struck vastness of something that is geologically so young, the latter because I had never seen anything so unreal in my entire life. If you ever get a chance in life (and you only get one shot so etc), make the drive across Nevada from Yosemite (avoid Death Valley, its shite) with a friend. Just at the start is a lake so bizarre in appearance, even when closeby, that you could swear it was computer generated.

To finish, the worst part was possibly the fear catalyst that was that damn bear, making camping a little awkward until a few weeks later (when we were out of bear county). Either that or Gallup, the most god-awful ugly bastard of a town ever created, in all of its hideous pro-franchise anti-everything else nature. I’d rather stay in Hull to be honest.

Total Expenditures:

Hotels/Money Out
$2,300.14 / £1,306.44

Car Rental
$569 / £320

Plane Flights
$1,128 / £633

Weight Gained (self)
- 4 lbs, I don’t quite understand how given what I was eating

So that’s a nice grand total of £2226, which is quite a lot for a lazy student with no income at the moment. Though if an American were to attempt a similar holiday over here, it would probably cost at least twice as much, the states is so damn cheap.

All in all, the only person who can fully describe how the trip was, is mr squirrel. So take it away -